My secret lover won't leave his partner

10:35am Monday 11th February 2008

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Q: My lover won't leave his girlfriend because he says it will affect his daughter's exams.

I'm 40 and my lover is 43.

We actually met years ago and have had periods together, then periods apart.

We were both single when we met though I had a 10-month-old son from a previous relationship, and we've been both seeing our ex partners.

We both want to be with each other though, and this whole thing is driving me up the wall.

He keeps telling me he will leave her and that we'll be together but he's really concerned about his daughter, so do I leave my partner alone and hope or be rid of this ongoing situation once and for all.

Nikki, Bettws.

A: Well Nikki, you may not like the sound of this but for my money if he really wanted to be with you, by now he would be. Let me be blunt too, while you're both still young, time is ticking and my question is would you still want to be in this position in 10 years time? I reckon you need to put your foot down, give him an ultimatum (in a nice way) and then give him a month or 2 for him to make up his mind. In the meantime, stay well away from him, don't phone him, don't see him, don't contact him, and this absence alone may well decide for him who he really wants to be with. If he decides it's you then great. Years of pussyfooting around will be over. If, on the other hand, its not you, you can then move on and find someone who truly wants to be with you. Good luck.