FAITH in the great British public was restored on Tuesday night.
Emma Willis: “The housemate with the fewest votes and seventh to be evicted is… Gemma Collins.”
Good riddance, then, Celebrity Big Brother’s charmless wonder, who had this parting careers advice for Darren Day: “You need to do a calendar. Nans will buy your calendar.”
Though she should look closer to home if she’s talking of future prospects.
The vociferous, sustained boos Gemma received from the baying mob on her exit suggest she is universally loathed.
She had a chance to put that right in the house and demonstrate she’s not a lazy, shallow, good-for-nothing, controlling monster.
But she fluffed it spectacularly by baulking at tasks, making a massive fuss about not wanting attention, so she’d get attention, and claiming, as I knew she would, the last four weeks were merely an act by her “GC” character.
The real “Gemma”, she told Emma, is only for “nearest and dearest, I’m not ready to give Gemma to the public”.
Refusing to let her showbiz mask slip defeats the entire point of the show — to see famous faces unravel before us.
Though she did admit: “The thing I've learned most in the house is I don't need as many blow-dries.”
Truly she is the people’s princess of hearts.
Her contribution has helped deliver a series that was at least watchable this time around and had its moments but could have been so much more, especially with such a tasty cast.
It will be remembered for one moment — the “David’s dead” Bowie/Gest mix-up, a lucky break that got C5 out of a hole, having teased distastefully 24 hours earlier the rock star’s ex-wife Angie’s grief.
It could, and perhaps should, have backfired horribly on producers who’ve lost their way with this show and took no action against sexual predator Tiffany Pollard over a clearly uncomfortable Darren.
There’s little imagination or memorable tasks, apart from the house’s secret mission to sabotage Gemma’s birthday, and there have been some downright disgusting moments, including Geordie Shore’s Scotty T’s anecdote of his unfortunate toilet accident while in the throes of passion, which must have delighted the Tefal and L’Oreal product placement PRs.
You don’t go a month 24/7, however, without some entertainment, like Marcus Bentley announcing: “11.10pm. Scotty has had an epiphany about Tiffany.”
And Scotty leaping up to declare: “Maths is the boss!” immediately after showing his mental prowess: “Four times four is 12, so the square root of 12 is four.”
You can’t beat that kind of logic.
Ex-Hollyoaks actress Stephanie Davis’s love triangle with her now ex on the outside and Jeremy McConnell in the house has also, I confess, kept me glued.
She may have much growing up to do, is beyond needy, doesn’t know where she lives (genuinely) and is possibly now unemployable, but she gave everything to this series that Gemma didn’t.
For me, though, the winner should be Darren Day.
We’ve seen his public redemption in there and he has remained true to himself, sensitive old soul that he is.
And I can’t top his accidental six-word CBB verdict while exasperated at Tiffany’s unwanted drunken advances.
“It’s all b******s for the cameras.”
War & Peace’s stunningly immersive Battle of Borodino.
Chris Kamara’s Bake Off show-stopper (I think he was going for “crushed body-boarder”).
Sky Movies showing Groundhog Day on a loop for 24 hours to mark Punxsutawney Phil’s big moment.
The One Show’s Wogan tribute evoking a time when a broadcasting giant made BBC1 at 7pm weeknights unmissable.
And This Morning’s Alice Beer on a risqué gadget that strengthens women’s pelvic floor muscles: “You put it inside you like a tampon, set up an app on your mobile and through Bluetooth it talks to your nether regions and your nether regions talk to your phone.” Guaranteeing you a fast-pass to the Britain’s Got Talent semi-finals.
C4’s The Jump featuring zero live jumps.
Sugar Free Farm becoming even more pointless by letting Mark Labett out to have rule-breaking fizzy drinks and a Peperami.
C5 giving 10,000BC: Two Tribes contestants two fishing boats, on top of the huts, meat, fish, fruit, nuts, maps, bottles, bowls, nets, spears, bows, arrows and fire-making kit they’ve already supplied.
BBC3 securing a classy lasting legacy in its final TV days by making The Virtual Reality Virgin’s Tyger Drew-Honey have sex with a robot.
And Rylan with another This Morning showbiz exclusive: “Harry Styles is 22 today.” Schofe: “Where is he at the moment?” Rylan: “I’ve got no idea where he is or what he’s doing.” Thanks, Scoop.