More Blongs... (From South Wales Argus)

More Blongs...

9:59am Monday 20th October 2008

• Print
• Email
• Share
• Comments(2)

Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber said he has accepted "mission impossible" as he attempts to win the Eurovision song contest for the UK. The composer of musical hits including the Phantom of the Opera, Evita, and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, will pen the UK's Eurovision entry and search for the perfect voice to perform it in Moscow next year.

However, in a competition dogged by accusations of 'bloc-voting', which led presenter Terry Wogan to threaten walking out on the competition he first hosted 35 years ago (unfortunately he wants to stay), Lord Lloyd Webber has admitted it will be his toughest challenge yet. The composer will embark on a televised talent search for the vocalist and hopefuls have until November 21 (Ah so that's why doh !), to send their auditions to the BBC website. So we are to be subject to another Televised Farce to swell Mr LW's already obscene bank account, what shall we call it ? spot the loser ?

In order to save Mr Lloyd Webber having to look at even more atrocious and screeching people desperate to be slagged off, (spare a thought for the viewers too guv...) here's my Euro offering song, so if you can do better, why ?

There is a land called Eurovision a land of mystery they are bereft of singers, and a lack of melody they have a weird obsession with booms and bangs galore they wear the weirdest clothes you've seen and stamp upon the floor Italians took the vowels no consonants are there, Cos all the blinking Eastern bloc have taken them all there.. SZKSKSKZ !!

Chorus: We don't want to go to Europe Please don't make me sing there Please don't make me go to Europe 'Cos the Eurovision's blaeeergh !...

Mr Webber sounds the clarion call your country needs you there so he can go on TV (again!) and bore us stupid there...

In Moscow they are happy the cossaks they are fine they don't want us British to attend 'cos all we do is bloody whine..

We don't want to go to Europe Please don't make me sing there Please don't make me go to Europe 'Cos the Eurovision's blaeeergh !...

• Print
• Email
• Share
• Comments(2)