WITHOUT question, Wednesday evening witnessed the TV culinary event of the year.

And with all that build-up, tension and excitement gripping the nation, it came down to one nerve-shredding, watershed moment.

Would Joe Swash stomach the black pudding fry-up cooked for him, by a young woman from Bolton, on Celebrity Dinner Date?

Because, while over 12 million were glued to the Great British Bake Off final, I took one for the team and put myself through the launch night of new “lifestyle and entertainment” channel ITVBe.

The broadcast equivalent of a binned baked Alaska.

You can compare it to Channel 4’s debut evening in 1982, with the first Comic Strip Presents... topping the bill.

That, of course, would herald such landmarks as Brass Eye, After Dark, My Beautiful Laundrette, The Tube, The Crying Game and Alan Bleasdale’s GBH.

Thirty-two years of progress later and we have ITVBe’s launch night, “the ultimate in glamour and entertainment”...

Dinner Date, a Come Dine With Me rip-off (complete with sarcastic narration) the network shelved in 2012 and has now seen fit to revive as a celebrity edition, with megastar Joe Swash given that all-important trailblazer role.

Ladies of London, a reality show about a group of unlikeable, over-privileged, “woe is me” moan merchants.

And a Towie Ibiza special followed by a live show from the Sugar Hut, hosted by Mark Wright and Denise Van Outen, “all set up purely for your entertainment”, as if they hadn’t completely wasted their time.

Almost certainly what John Logie Baird had in mind all along, I’m sure you’ll agree.

It would be nice to think they’re shepherding these abominations, the very dregs of TV, into one place for extermination.

Especially as the two-hour opening Welcome To ITVBe party, with Peter Andre and Jamelia, carried the threat of even worse to come.

We weren’t 10 minutes in before Tamara Ecclestone, in the studio plugging Seven Days With..., started talking about putting breast milk in her husband’s tea.

(Catch that show Monday night for even more classy moments, including her already infamous discovery that non-toasted toast is called “bread”.)

One episode features 5ive’s Ritchie Neville and partner Natasha Hamilton from Atomic Kitten which, fingers crossed, will cause the reality TV universe to implode once they’re brought together under one show.

Guests came and went but, try as they might, Andre and Jamelia couldn’t avoid Swash.

When they weren’t returning to the next part of his blind dates, he was there in the studio being asked by Amy Childs: “Dinner Date is my favourite TV show. Is it yours?”

Swash: “Erm... I did watch it.”

A resounding endorsement there.

Matters came to a head when the stars of The Real Housewives of Cheshire, which doesn’t air until 2015 (I don’t know how we’ll cope, I really don’t), came in for a chat and Andre suggested: “Do you reckon they should do a men’s version?

“It’s like you can have a hen party but you can’t have a cock party.”

It passed by more than 12 million people.

But as I’ll tell the future grandchildren, I was there, kids, ITVBe launch night. I was there.

Spudulikes

Nick Hewer diving across Karren Brady like a US President bodyguard, on The Apprentice trailer.

Sinitta’s astonishing Hiawatha outfit at X Factor’s Judges’ Houses.

Pranked Kerry Katona beating the daylights out of ITV2’s Tricked magician Ben Hanlin, with a tea towel.

Jake Wood’s hip-tastic salsa, Scott Mills’ cockroach-stamping tango and Gregg Wallace apparently trying to shake a randy dog from his leg, during the Charleston, on Strictly.

The Chase question: “The Squire’s Tale is an unfinished 14th-century story by which writer?” Contestant: “JK Rowling.”

And the inspirational Pride of Britain Awards, with the most heroic winner of all, 1,300-kids foster mum Betty McGlinchey who put the happiness of so many others before herself. By ruining a Bruce Forsyth joke.

Spuduhates

The Driver’s rushed finale.

Corrie’s druggie Kylie cobblers.

BBC2’s Horizon, which used to explain mysteries of the cosmos and herald scientific discoveries, spending three hours watching cats.

EastEnders justifying the semi-incestuous Linda rape storyline, which actually doesn’t add up, as anything other than ratings driven.

Warwick Davis ridiculing Celebrity Squares contestants for failing to understand the complexities of noughts and crosses when in fact it’s him who doesn’t.

Too many sob stories, plugs for airlines and resorts, and talent vanishing into the Bermuda Triangle at Louis’s Judges’ House on X Factor.

This Morning’s “Live the life of an X Factor judge” travel advice including “a standard room in a two-star B&B in Nice with flights for just over £500 with easyJet Holidays”.

And the BBC making an absolute mess of The Beach Boys’ God Only Knows. God only knows why.