CUPID’S arrow fired straight and true in Majorca on Wednesday night.

Love Island’s first couple Jon and Hannah got engaged, ACTUALLY got engaged, in the series finale.

And, seeing as they’ve been together for the whole six weeks with eyes for no other, right from day one, the viewers did the only thing they could.

They voted Max and Jess the winners.

The right result at the end of a series that has, to my surprise, blossomed like Newzoids puppet Jon’s love for Hannah, which climaxed with his poetic marriage proposal: “Every day you give me the horn, every day I feel like a unicorn.

“My love for you is from the heart, even though I always fart.”

What woman wouldn’t say yes to old William Wordsworth there?

She accepted, and it’s apparent they’re genuinely smitten.

But with a £50,000 prize on the line, for the voting audience it was a cynical stunt.

Especially as it turns out there was plenty behind the annoying narrator’s question six days earlier: “Was it really five weeks ago that Jon met the love of his life Hannah?”

It wasn’t. It was at least six months, going by a photo of them in a nightclub she tweeted in January.

The pair, however, weren’t alone in knowing each other beforehand.

Love Island’s biggest flaw was its impatience at nurturing romance, so they kept throwing old flames into the villa to speed it up.

Text-dumper Jordan’s ex Jasmine landed for an explosive showdown.

Luis’s old girlfriend Cally’s arrival led to the “private couple” doing precisely nothing for the next three weeks.

And Beth had “mutual friends with Chris” and this link: “Me and Luis have got a bit of history. We were meant to go on a blind date and we didn’t go on a blind date and then I’ve seen him on a night out in Newcastle.”

So you might as well buy the wedding hat now.

The point is Ex On The Beach has already been done elsewhere.

Yet for all its faults and tackiness, I started looking forward every night to Love Island.

Up against a dreadful Big Brother it became my cack reality show of choice.

And it has shown you can have blazing rows, like BB, and still produce a decent series as long as it’s tempered by plenty of fun, unlike BB.

That’s the key difference, and one Channel 5 seems unable to grasp.

It’s not perfect, obviously. The torrent of hashtags can #DoOne, Michael Buerk should narrate, ITV2 needs to learn Mark Wright isn’t required for all its shows and a celeb version is a must.

But I’ve been gripped by Josh’s “on-off-off-on-off-on-off-on-off-off” relationship with Naomi, Jon’s personal battle with Mr Floppy which ended with him and Hannah doing the deed to the theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey and his parents turning up to congratulate them.

And my favourite, unlucky-in-love (until the end) Jess who said after losing at tennis: “Sport’s not my thing.”

Josh: “What is your thing?”

Jess: “Bending over and stuff.”

Truly a star is born. Jess Hayes and Paul Danan for Love Island 2016 and all is forgiven, ITV2.

SPUDULIKES…

C4’s Escape From Isis.

100-Year-Old Drivers Ride Again.

Married At First Sight bride’s mum Liz on Emma’s blind wedding: “I was aghast. No other word for it. I was very surprised.”

Love Island quizmaster Jon: “What was the name of the first man on the moon?” Luis: “Lance Armstrong.”

And (Seven Days With) Sinitta: “I like men who believe in themselves, believe in what they’re doing and have the courage to go for it.” Which is why she fell for Simon Cowell who believed in himself, in what he was doing and had the courage… to release Teletubbies Say “Eh-Oh!”.

SPUDUHATES…

Sob stories infecting Dragons’ Den.

This Morning’s Christmas presents feature before the summer holidays.

Up-itself BBC2 crimper contest Hair allowing a hamster ball prop.

EastEnders reviving the Lucy Beale whodunit, with Ian Beale speaking for an exasperated nation: “It’s never going to go away, is it.”

ITV2 trying to wriggle out of Love Island’s £50,000 prize with that final Goldenballs split/steal twist.

The baffling absence of Celebrity Big Brother after 66 days of the public version’s “sustained torrent of HIGHLY offensive language, aggressive confrontations and extreme vitriolic tantrums”. (But enough about me.) And the result of months of Married At First Sight’s extensive psychological evaluations and “social and evolutionary anthropology” to match the perfect couple, from bride Emma on meeting hubby James: “Nice eyes.” Well done, science.