SKY Sports News’ magnificent Football Transfer Deadline Day was ruined forever by potty-mouthed fans wielding sex toys behind hapless reporters.

It won’t go near them again and, if this was the ultra-safe BBC, nor would it try anything else remotely risky.

Thank heavens it’s not auntie, then. Because at 7am on Tuesday came 92 Live, a truly bonkers, funny and unmissable 12 hours, despatching correspondents to every league club before the day was out.

And if you’re wondering why it had me gripped for the entire duration, it set the bar high early morning when James Cooper climbed into an ice bath, fully clothed, with a mic to interview Bury manager David Flitcroft.

“Tell me about the re-COV-ery, t-talk about how-OW im-POR-tant this i-i-is,” he shivered.

By the time Gillingham’s chef cooked his chairman a fry-up in a giant paella dish in the centre circle and, at Dagenham and Redbridge, manager Wayne Burnett entered driving a tractor, I ripped up my plans for the column and went along for the ride.

Especially as Jane Dougall had promised: “It’s going to be very exciting at Luton. Hold onto your pants.”

The ensuing 11 hours 56 minutes were a throwback to Football Focus’ heyday when they’d do stuff like make Gary Lineker pretend he worked part-time on his parents’ fruit and veg stall.

We were just one semi-naked man in a bathtub of beans short of a Children In Need night.

Southend boss Phil Brown had his back waxed.

Pompey in the Community chief exec Clare Martin got gunged.

Chesterfield’s players tried church bell ringing.

Reporter Peter Stevenson painted Accrington Stanley’s penalty box white lines.

Hartlepool manager Ronnie Moore had a quiz for his 10 new signings.

Bolton defender David Wheater did live egg-whisking in the training ground kitchen.

Brighton’s receptionist was made to sing the Bobby Zamora chant to That’s Amore, and they went all the way to Munich to make Spurs’ Kevin Wimmer belt out Backstreet Boys’ Tell Me Why.

Dharmesh Sheth chatted to Crawley Town’s lot on a bus. James Cooper did figure of eights on a Segway.

Andy Burton’s Brentford location was an actual rubbish dump.

Gary Cotterill got changed off camera out of his suit while conducting an interview.

Those intrepid reporters were getting breaking news too.

Alan Irwin calling the action at Crewe: “Just minutes remaining here. We will of course bring you the final result from one of the biggest games of the season (the players’ Fifa 2015 Xbox final).”

Anchor Hayley McQueen: “Let’s bring you the moment all One Direction fans have been waiting for.” Tim Thornton at Doncaster Rovers: “How much washing liquid do you get through?” Laundry manager Tracy: “130 washes a week, 20 litres of washing liquid.”

There you go, Directioners. Zayn’s departure must be a distant memory now.

The day ended with Adam Burton announcing helicopter-hopping host Jim White’s safe return: “Here he comes, like a Scottish James Bond.”

Two words, Adam. Sean Connery.

Frustrating to say, though, going through my notes I realised I must have nipped to the loo and missed one of the 92 clubs.

Which one?

Luton ruddy Town. I’ll stop holding my pants now.

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Spudulikes…

TV’s best panel show Would I Lie To You.

The impending return of mighty Jeff Stelling's Soccer Saturday.

Beetroot cake-making, prat-in-a-hat hipster Stu falling at Great British Bake Off’s first hurdle.

Commentator Jim Rosenthal describing Flockstars’ new obstacle: “They must herd them through the grapevine.”

ITV4 tweeting ahead of Bake Off’s return: “Are you a fan of baking? Do you love cake? Then don't miss British Superbike Championship Highlights @ITV4 8pm.”

And the tantalising prospect, now that EastEnders’ Vincent has crossed swords with Shirley’s family, of a plot involving Pearl and Dean. Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-baaa, ba!

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Spuduhates…

Emmerdale overdoing disaster week.

ITV’s BBQ Champ and Travel Guides ripping off Bake Off and Gogglebox.

Life On Marbs’ Natalie’s botox-crammed face making me look for Ray Alan operating her.

Tactless Gabby Logan to Flockstars dasher Lesley Joseph: “Your time from the topiary to the pen might be a record… for an overaged category.”

TLC channel’s If Katie Hopkins Ruled The World giving the self-proclaimed “Jesus of the outspoken” her own panel show to spew bile like: “You’re a raging, angry, fat person in a pink dress,” to an audience member.

Terrible ITV game show Freeze Out ice judge Uriah Rennie (yes, really, the football ref) proving so wooden they’re considering hiring Sarah Harding as holiday cover.

And the death of George Cole. Heaven is now your lobster.