THERE’S going against the grain. And then there’s this head-scratcher from Kaiser Chiefs frontman Ricky Wilson on Saturday night.

“I get really excited about the battle rounds because now we can see them (the contestants).”

Yes, that very thing that makes million upon million of viewers switch off The Voice — the mid-series removal of the spinny chairs — is, on face value at least, precisely what excites him.

It’s nonsense, obviously, to suggest four hours — FOUR — of pairs of singers yelling tonelessly in each other’s faces is anything other than a gruelling test of stamina and willpower, let alone thrilling.

We had just one puny highlight, “part-man, part-music machine” Will.i.am fooling only himself about his reasons for pitting middle-aged air-conditioning engineer Andrew Marc, from Hereford, against young YouTube sensation Esmee Denters: “I paired Andrew and Esmee so you have one old-school approach to singing and then you have a new school.”

And certainly not because Esmee’s had a top 10 global hit and supported Justin Timberlake on tour, while Andrew, The Voice’s answer to Freddie Starr, is the woeful Tina Turner tribute Will was forced to take in the blind auditions, having saved his final pick for the very last mystery act, and is desperate to ditch.

No, definitely the old school/new school thing.

To be fair, it produced a rare moment of comedy from the most hilariously mismatched pairing since Sigourney Weaver and Rick Moranis in Ghostbusters.

But this is The Voice. There is no place for humour here.

So they went through the motions and Mr Tina Turner was sent packing.

A wasted chance and a sad loss to a series now trudging through treacle, having lost sight of what it’s supposed to be about — “the voice”.

It’s anything but. Rita Ora chose “nervous” Karis over a confident (cocky) kid calling himself NK because she was “the one whose story needs to be told”.

As Will assessed: “If it was about who sang better, that’s NK. Sometimes it’s not about how well you sing, it’s about the whole entire kit and caboodle.”

And yes, it’s the best use of the phrase “kit and caboodle” I’ve heard on a TV talent contest all year.

But the judges are heading down a slippery path to X Factor territory by letting acts’ back stories cloud their judgement, like Vikesh being saved basically because his family wasn’t supporting him and he turned up to the studio alone.

That said, it is just as well it’s not all about the voice.

The standards were so atrocious that we had a rare outbreak of honesty from Will after the Sheena versus Hollie squeak-off: “There was a point where it just seemed like a bunch of wailing.”

The panel are, however, incapable of criticising without their next breath containing a compliment – or lie, as I prefer to call it.

So Will added: “But great wails.”

And when Vanessa and Liss did a mean impression of cats fighting, he said: “You guys got to the point where you were really screaming at each other.”

Tom Jones cushioned the blow with complete gibberish: “It wasn’t an annoying scream. It was an exciting scream.”

Ah, they’re getting “exciting” mixed up with “annoying”?

I now see what Ricky Wilson was trying to say.

This week’s Couch Potato Spudulikes…

C5’s heartbreaking Filming My Father: In Life and Death.

The Let’s Play Darts For Comic Relief final with Lee Mack and Tim Vine teaming up with Martin “Wolfie” Adams and Darryl “The Dazzler” Fitton, two of the greatest players to grace the Lakeside… supported by Adams and Fitton.

This Morning’s Amanda Holden going from a chat with the owners of 12st 7lb pitbull Hulk, who was in a, ahem, state of arousal, to the prize competition with the Autocue line: “It’s quite a package.”

And Jeremy Clarkson on Sunday’s Top Gear describing a 1960s-inspired Jaguar thrashing a modern Toyota in a race with the fantastically timed line: “Janis Joplin is punching Justin Bieber in the face,” and another Jag as: “Aggressive, snarly, angry.” Especially if the hotel chef’s gone home for the night.

This week’s Couch Potato Spuduhates…

The 500,000 pro-Jeremy Clarkson petition signatories knowing zero facts.

Paul Whitehouse announcing his retirement from comedy with Nurse.

John Torode and lapdog Gregg Wallace morphing into Davids Owen and Steel from Spitting Image.

BBC1’s continuity man connecting “hour-long EastEnders” with “special”, plus the mystery of Kat giving Tommy antihistamine medicine for a tummy bug.

BBC piddling away £12million on a Cornish tourism film (Poldark) with laughable yokel jargon: “Who ’ee ’ave ’ere?” (’onestly ’on’t ’ow), “’appen she run away, sir,” and “Ain’t no call to accuse us, Mr Ross. Ted’n right, ted’n fair, ted’n fit, ted’n friendly.” ’appen be ted’n any good.

And Vernon Kay asking Sam Bailey, completing a swift transition from X Factor winner to All Star Family Fortunes booking: “Name a type of act you might see on Britain’s Got Talent.” Give it two years? Sam Bailey.