THEY landed ashore with this bright-eyed optimism from Beki the camerawoman: “We’ll not only survive but we’ll thrive.”

Six days into The (Women’s) Island With Bear Grylls, how are the castaways faring?

Well, severely dehydrated Fran collapsed and was stretchered off, base camp can’t relight the fire and are drinking rainwater off their shelter, and the expedition party trying to get back to them “is lost in the thick of jungle and completely out of water”.

You go, girls.

Yet miraculously by the end of a fantastic hour of telly last night, base camp had given up waiting for the rest to return, trekked around the coastline and found them at the opposite end of the island, leading to beach scenes of embracing akin to Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in From Here To Eternity.

Getting there, though, was a total joy to watch.

And it’s all thanks to a masterstroke by Channel 4 to add an all-women’s island to the men’s for series two, albeit having caved to baseless cries of sexism during the 2014 run from the professionally outraged.

The men’s action is as entertaining as last year, especially no-nonsense Yorkshireman Vic: “Can you eat bats? Or is that what gives you HIV in a bowl?”

Dan: “Yeah, don’t they carry Aids?”

Vic: “Forget it. We’re not eating bats.”

But they’re already three men down, including entertaining Paul, the biggest loss, and Andy who was asked on day five: “Do you think you’ll stick it out?”

“Definitely.”

“The whole thing?”

“Yeah, I haven’t got any doubts about that.”

Bear, on day six: “Andy uses the emergency satellite phone to request an evacuation.”

But the women’s island is where it’s at, a place that exists because C4 realised combining both sexes on the same island would destroy this show.

I don’t, though, share the view that it’s still sexist because the women are in bikinis.

The hardship gives the island all the sex appeal of Tenko.

Until the group’s remarkable reunion, every effort ended in disaster, like this sequence…

Bear: “Half an hour later and the structure for a shelter is almost complete.”

Abby: “It looks pretty good.”

Crrrrrrrrrrreak… CRRRRRRAAAAASH!

But it was the expedition party spending two days going round in circles in the jungle, ending up twice at the same beach, that enters TV’s comedy hall of fame.

Like in the Blair Witch Project, the overgrowth would not let them escape its clutches.

Their route map was a cross between a Torvill and Dean routine and Manchester United midfielder Marouane Fellaini’s half-time heat map.

Aimlessly round and round and round and round on themselves mystified, they said: “But we kept the sea to our left the whole time.”

The sea which, on an island, is always on the left if you go in a big circle.

They may well have had Bear’s advice ringing in their ears during their darkest of hours: “The thing to remember is positivity, positivity, positivity.”

Jaime, on failing to find base camp and emerging at Coconut Beach a third time: “It’s only around the corner but we cannot f***ing navigate through that. I cannot walk and I’m just f****d and we’re all f****d.”

That’s the spirit, ladies. Thrive away.

Spudulikes

Breaking Bad on new channel Spike (11pm, week nights).

The fittingly tragic Banished finale.

Max the Yorkshire terrier attacking Ant on Britain’s Got Talent.

Dying Stan’s beautifully handled last EastEnders scenes.

Tourette’s sufferer Ellie Grant involuntarily blurting: “Silver fox!” opposite This Morning’s Phillip Schofield.

Men putting the world to rights over a pint on The Secret Life of the Pub: “I watched my dad die. I said everything I wanted to say. Three nights where it was just me and him. Peter Parker didn’t get that with Uncle Ben. That’s why he’s swinging around buildings.”

And an advert during Top Gear on Dave: “Is it true you can make a dish out of just two ingredients?” Not if the hotel chef’s gone home for the night, you can’t.

Spuduhates

Britain’s Got Talent judges pressing each other’s buzzers, plus Amanda Holden and Alesha Dixon contributing nothing.

ITV hailing an indoor assault course (Ninja Warrior UK) and a Holly Willoughby panel show (Play To The Whistle) as “Super Saturday”.

Good Morning Britain holiday cover Piers Morgan making the nation’s skin crawl telling Susanna Reid: “You’ve waited your entire life for this moment — waking up to me at 6am.”

The Delivery Man (return to sender).

Sponsors Capital One falling for the ludicrous £150,000 cost of Torvill and Dean’s junior ice show non-event on Ice Rink on the Estate.

Newzoids turning out almost as welcome as haemorrhoids, lacking Spitting Image’s charm and craft.

And 2,000 Tattoos, 40 Piercings and A Pickled Ear. And if you think that’s disturbing, just wait till you hear what my true love gave to me on the fourth day of Christmas.