A QUESTION from Dan amid the annual Most Inappropriate Team Name Suggestions brainstorm.

“Can I throw my thought into the thought pond?”

Yes, Dan, you can. As long as you then throw yourself in, strapped to a boulder.

“We call ourselves the Sugar Babes.”

On second thoughts, cancel the boulder.

It’d be much more fun to watch your final moments, being torn to shreds, in the boardroom.

My wish was Lord Sugar’s command as The Apprentice, a wonderful show that still excites me 11 series in, returned with a brilliant fish-selling task and a personnel change.

Gone to rot beneath the Countdown clock is the great Nick Hewer, replaced by interviews task Rottweiler Claude Littner, a man who Sugar stated: “Does like a laugh from time to time. There was 1979, for example.”

He’s made a solid start and is gleefully unable to contain his joy at the candidates’ self-inflicted misfortune.

Less so has the now Baroness Brady.

“But I am happy for you to call me Karren,” Her smugness lied.

So who are this year’s clueless, boast-vomiting twit-rockets?

We have:

Joseph: “I’m the godfather of business and I’m here to make Lord Sugar an offer he cannot refuse.” (Tea or coffee?)

“Swiss army knife of business skills” Richard with the “load of b******s” (Sugar’s verdict) business plan: “I am a captain at the front of a cavalry charge. I race forward and people follow,” to shove him over the cliff.

“Disgustingly ambitious” Elle.

Scott who thinks people will willingly pay to rub “Manly Moist” into their hair and either forgot his shampoo pitch or added a respectful minute’s silence, in memory of his career: “More now than ever before is the... the... the... men spending more time and money on their appearance.

“Which make it, erm, an open brand for everybody to use. We have made the sleek design make, erm, make the appearing really well on the shelf.”

Well that’s me switching from Head & Shoulders then.

There’s control freak April who believes an extortionate £9 tuna salad is “artisanal” and led her team to a £1.87 profit for a working day that started at 2.30am, yet insisted: “I am Jamaican, we only know how to do one thing - win,” and should really watch Cool Runnings.

Ruth who looks like she got lost en route to the Jackanory studio, “fishcake specification” obsessed Brett, “global phenomenon” in-waiting Jenny, Charleine who thought nothing of chasing strangers and asking: “Can I interest you in a taste of my fish?”

Series comedy character Mergim who had to ask what an onion was and tried flogging fish fingers to a vegan restaurant.

And Dan who aspires to Alexander The Great but has “made every mistake in the book in business”, including getting told off by Lord Sugar’s first words in the boardroom (“Get your hands out of your pockets”) and assigning himself “pans” duty in the fish task.

An all-too-brief tenure whose fate was sealed when, having sold zero fish the whole day, he said: “I didn’t go into this process in order to sell salad on a street.”

Then you’ve clearly never watched The Apprentice, pal. You’re fired.

And now only 16 remain in the thought pool.

Spudulikes...

BBC1's River.

ITV2's cry-with-laughter The Almost Impossible Gameshow, which needs promoting to ITV pronto.

Emily, Lauren, Stephen and Martin heroically defeating Hunted's HQ despite C4 sneakily making them gather in one place.

Last Week Tonight With John Oliver: "We begin with Justin Bieber's penis. I'm kidding, I would never do that to you. We begin with Syria."

Jay and Aliona's brilliance capping a cracking Strictly.

First Dates: Celebrity Special's Anthea Turner dumping loathsome Jeremy because he hates brown sauce. And the whole loathsome thing.

And The One Show's subtitles writer mishearing "vegan" in The Apprentice clip. Mergim: "Fish fingers. Put it in the fridge and have it later." Front-of-house man: "This is a bleeding restaurant." Alright, calm down. He only asked.

Spuduhates...

BBC2 ruining The Apprentice: You're Fired, with Jack Dee and Romesh Ranganathan.

Palma Faith foghorning her way through ITV's Rugby World Cup.

The mentally scarring sight of EastEnders undertaker Les Coker in nothing but white Y-fronts.

X Factor handing deluded egomaniac Mason Noise a reprieve when ITV should be sending him to the Aussie jungle.

Prof Greg Whyte anaesthetising us with "biomechanics", "anaerobic requirements" and "isometric contractions" on Supetstars-made-dull Eternal Glory.

And The One show's Matt Baker: "It's a special place for you, Africa, because you proposed." Nick Knowles: "I did. I surprised my fiancée at the time by proposing to her by the lions. She said..." Get up, you clown, I'm your fiancée. We're already engaged.