I AM SORRY to disappoint Mr Everett by being fully booked on the Ark, parrot notwithstanding. In fact, we find we are surprisingly overbooked due to discovery of a stowaway in the bilges, next to the walruses. Who would have thought that Lord Lucan would turn up again after all this time?

Never mind, he and Mr Capes are doing a grand job in baling which is probably just as well.

To be honest, we are all a little shocked at how successful our vessel has turned out, especially after the prototype model disappeared down the plughole while Stan had his toe stuck in the tap.

Still, onward and upward, as they say. I’m sure everything will be just fine once we are out of the Usk estuary, which is more than I can say for the Newport Ship – sorry, Charles, couldn’t resist it.

Julian R Powell, Larch Grove, Newport