OH, CHARLES, what a kerfuffle your letter has caused aboard the Ark. The very mention of tidal lagoons brought on Stan’s nosebleeds and Lord Lucan has abandoned ship – again. It has become doubly difficult controlling the animals what with the porcupines going on strike and the wildebeest threatening to stampede. As for the elephants, we have already worn out a dozen shovels and Mr Capes is at his wit’s end. Just as well he’s used to lifting heavy loads. Is this then the measure of your revenge, Charles? Are we to become rival pirates, not so much of the seven seas as the Severn Estuary? If so, there is a disabled seafarer named Silver who has offered his services as ship’s cook (Stan will just have to tolerate his parrot).

So, let fly the Jolly Roger, lay on, MsFerris and may the devil take the hindmost!

Julian R Powell,
Larch Grove,
Newport