Thomas Crapper was born in Yorkshire in 1836, into a family of modest means. At 14 years of age he was apprenticed to a Master Plumber in Chelsea, London.

After serving his apprenticeship and then working as a journeyman, he set up in his own right in 1861 as a plumber in Robert Street, Chelsea. However he didn't invent the toilet, just the slang for it. 260 yrs and a decade after Labour swept into power promoting a classless society, and the debate over class divide has been reignited following Prince William's split with Kate Middleton.

Poor old Kate Middleton's mater got it in the neck from her Maj, for using the word Toilet, it all went downhill , and around the 'S' bend so to speak after that... our British aristocracy prefers the word 'loo'. The Germans, actually say, "Ve are having ein pinkel pause', and it's either an 'ein grosser' or 'eine kleiner', so ein Kleiner der Musik, isn't so complimentary after all ? and not about happy slapping, and dubious leather shorts ? ...who says the Germans don't have a sense of humour? (most of us, the French are iffy too...).

In Australia ('Zundrize in de mornin', zunderize in de mornin', sorry a bit of local colour there... Jamaican ?), where they haven't yet mastered joined up writing or etiquette, you could get loo/lavatory/bathroom/dunny, or even come upon this exhortation: "Don't forget to wipe your John Howard after having a George Bush." (Brits could substitute Tony Blair, and Gordon Brown...or better still, shove THEM down the dunny).

In Gaelic it's "Tigh Beag" (literally the "small house"), must have been hell for those who only HAD a small house, and had to nail up their letter boxes... a quaint olde-worlde custom still practiced on some council housing estates in Newport so they say. or perhaps the time has come to use the Glaswegian term for what should correctly be known as the Water Closet, or WC:- "Cludgie".

So next time you're off to, 'point percy at the porcelain", 'Off to water the horse", or 'Bomb the Argies', mind you don't step on your pee-pees and doo-doos, or Harry and Willis will never take you to Tee Jays for a throw up, and a quick bunk up at t'castle.

I worry about our kids, who are not au fait with the correct terms or mannerisms required, with the upper echelons of our highest society, who think please, and thank you, are just colloquialisms, and don't know what they are either.

Here's ten Etiquette Rules they could learn. Meanwhile, I'm off to the bog, to 'decorate the Welsh Assembly.' 1. How to Dine When invited to a pre-arranged meal kiddies, always use your utensils from the "outside in." After all, utensils are set in the order that food will be served, don't use your fingers, or you could just carry on eating burgers as usual.

2. Telephone Manners When calling a friend, identify yourself to the person who answers the phone before asking to speak your friend. By doing so, the parents or other family member who answer the phone will appreciate this courtesy and see you as friendly. Try using standard english, and a sentence (If they know any).

3. On Correspondence Anytime it takes someone more than 15 minutes to do something for you, Ausend the person a thank-you note. By doing so, the person will know you really appreEnglishciated what was done for you. Learn to write first... if you have to do it every 15mins, best buy a photo copier too.

4. Be Gracious When you are sent an invitation that requires an RSVP, be sure to let the person know if you will be able to go to the gathering. After all, "RSVP" means "respond if you please." , (bugger the French version), if you cannot make it, try responding "So sorry (insert name), but my dear old pater has carked it after falling into a cess pit... and there's a hose-pipe ban, you know how it is...", do not 'respond, "I'd rather have boiling oil poured down my throat, and chew broken glass first...and anyway Corrie is on tonight."

5. Shoes Are Important When getting dressed each day, be sure that your shoes are well-maintained. People associate the way you take care of your shoes with the way you handle detail in the rest of your life. so what will your pink hobnail boots say about you ?

6. Be Open to New Foods When you are invited out to eat and are served a food that is not your favourite, try a piece of it anyway. You may be surprised and find that you end up liking it, throwing up over the hostess, going bluuuaaaaaaaaaaaagh ! , and then shouting "I'm not eating this s**t", isn't the done thing.

7. Ask Questions When talking with friends and family, always make a point of asking them questions about themselves. People will see you as interesting if you are interested in them, don't be too nosy, unless your dad has private insurance medical cover for you.

8. At the Table When eating a roll, be sure to break off a bite-sized piece at a time. No bread-and-butter sandwiches, please, or peanut butter, and pickled onion sarnies with added garlic.

9. Be Friendly When you are in school, be cool by making a point to talk with that new kid in your class. If the tables were turned, wouldn't that make you feel good? even if it won't, you could offer him protection for a fee...

10. The Rule of Twelve When talking with others, always use a form of thanks and the person's name in the first 12 words you speak ("It's good to see you, Mary," or "Thanks for picking me up from soccer, Dad.") By following this rule of 12, people will want to continue to do nice things for you, if they don't, sod 'em...