AN ARMY veteran from Newport who killed a man in a car accident has spoken of how it changed his life, and how he is now hoping to help others suffering mentally through the power of music. 

In 2001 Rob Wiltshire was on tour in Bosnia on a peacekeeping mission when his military vehicle hit two men.

“I drove half a mile down the road before I realised people were flashing me and telling me to stop,” he explained, now reflecting on the devastating period in his life from his home in St Julians.

South Wales Argus: Rob Wiltshire outside his home in St Julians

Rob Wiltshire outside his home in St Julians

“They were shouting that I’d hit someone. I couldn’t believe them. These wagons are huge, I didn’t see a thing.

“I drove back and the two guys were there. One died in my arms and the other suffered a broken leg.

“I would shoot at people in combat and it never felt as though it affected me significantly. But watching that man die in front of me was unexplainable. It was so painful.”

Mr Wiltshire went on to spend another seven years in the forces, and was deployed on a mission in Northern Ireland soon after the incident.

“It’s wrong that it wasn’t brought up again, I know that,” he said. “They know where I am and how to find me. But I’ve not heard a thing since. It has never stopped haunting me.”

Married at 20, Mr Wiltshire – now 40 - distanced himself from those close to him, a common side effect of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and split up with his wife not long later.

“Everything came crumbling down for me in the months that followed,” Mr Wiltshire, who is now a delivery driver for a steel fabrication company in Usk, explained.

“Before that deployment [to Bosnia] I was married and felt good about life. I felt invincible.

“But I don’t feel I had the support after the accident. I had nightmares every night. I felt I was open with people that I was struggling, but I don’t think people really knew much about PTSD at the time.”

He left the forces in 2008, and after a brief stint working in a factory has since taken up roles as a support worker working with vulnerable children and adults.

“It helped me to come to terms with my own mental health issues and vulnerabilities," he said. "I feel good about myself when I’m busy helping others.

“Like so many other ex-forces guys, I was struggling with the transition back to normal life.

“I felt really lonely and isolated, and people didn’t seem to understand me. I would get people tell me it was ‘all in my head’. But I was struggling so much with the fact I’d killed somebody.

“I know I pushed people away too. I felt a burden.”

He also devoted time to doing his own research into mental health, and in particular PTSD among veterans in prisons.

According to the NHS there are around 2.4 million veterans living in the UK, and around one in 20 will suffer from PTSD after serving.

South Wales Argus: rpt

Rob Wiltshire

“I just decided I’d try and soldier on, but that wasn’t fixing the issue, and I still suffer with the mental impact of that time now," said Mr Wiltshire. "It happened in December 2001 and every year since Christmas has been a difficult time for me.

“I left the army because my mother was ill, and she died with cancer when she was 65 in 2015.

“She died in my arms, and it brought all those same feelings back. It was the worst place I’d been in since the accident.”

He has since received counselling from Veterans NHS Wales, which diagnosed him with PTSD in 2017.

“I still didn’t really get the help I needed because I couldn’t get the time off for the treatment,” he said.

“I got signed off work to complete the sessions but I was only able to attend four as I ran out of savings as the sick pay wasn’t enough to pay my bills. I’ve tried to just live with it since.”

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As well as the support of his friends and partner Keighly Lewis, he attributes being able to live with PTSD to the power of music, and has turned his attention to helping others.

“Music has helped me unbelievable amounts, and I felt it would be great to organise music events to raise money to help people who were going through tough times," he said.

“Two years ago we set up a Facebook group called ‘Rise Up And Rave’ (RUAR), and it now has thousands of followers.

“It’s just about bringing people together with similar interests to help each other enjoy music and take their minds off things."

South Wales Argus: Rob Wiltshire and Keighly Lewis

Rob Wiltshire and Keighly Lewis

Ms Lewis has taken on the bulk of the work, and the pair took on the running of new radio station Radio RUAR last March, which they say has been a blessing.

Starting with ten, the 24-seven station now has more than 50 DJs.

Ms Lewis explained: “We had seven events planned earlier in the pandemic which were all cancelled, so this station just came at exactly the right time. It’s kept us connected and helped us to keep others connected too.

“We wanted to try and get DJs who are not known to have a platform with us, and put them alongside well-known artists. I’m really proud of what we’ve managed to achieve so far.

“It’s great to see it coming together, because Rob has put thousands into it and had very little back financially. But it isn’t about financial gain, it’s about helping musicians – especially in lockdown.

“Since we started the station we’ve had so many DJs call and tell us they’re struggling – whether that be with depression or anxiety, money worries – whatever.

“By giving them a platform and something to focus on, they’re getting exposure and they’re feeling positive about life. That’s what it’s about.

“They often get their mates involved. I’ve had people tell me if it wasn’t for the station they might not be here.”

Mr Wiltshire said: “I worry about people in the music industry in particular. For many of the guys we are involved with, music is all they know. It is their life as well as their income. It’s no surprise we’re hearing that sort of thing [stories of mental health struggles].”

Every event RUAR does is for charity, and they’re in the process of registering as a non-profit organisation. Once they’re allowed to host events again, they’re hoping to give money raised to individuals in need.

This month the Census 2021 will ask recipients if they are armed forces leavers for the first time, following a campaign by forces' charities, but Mr Wiltshire believes more needs to be done to help veterans transition to civilian life.

“To a certain extent everything in the forces is done for you, you’re like a robot,” he said.

“I was coping with the impact of PTSD while struggling with other things. I didn’t know how to sort my bills, my mortgage, my TV licence. It all adds up and it can be a vicious circle.

“You’re told you’ll be snapped up for work, and that wasn’t the case.

“You can’t apply for housing until the day you’re discharged, and you get so many homeless.

“When walking past a guy on the street, I’d like people to consider that they don’t know that person’s story. Anyone can go through bad times when circumstances don't go your way.”

Transition and resettlement services for the armed forces are the responsibility of the Ministry of Defence.

A UK Government spokeswoman said: "The vast majority of service leavers make a successful transition to civilian life, but we are committed to doing more than ever to ensure even more undergo positive transitions. Census data supplied by veterans will help us better understand the needs of the ex-military community and provide them with more efficient support.

"In addition, the Armed Forces Bill will embed the Armed Forces Covenant into law by introducing a legal duty for relevant UK public bodies, including those in Wales, to have due regard to the principles of the Covenant. This will help ensure fair treatment and improved public services for the military community."

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  • Radio RUAR's next event will be filmed from Ratio Studios in Merthyr Tydfil on March 20, with the help of sponsors including Gwent Dragons, Ibis Hotel, RCScaffolding, Mark Tucker Legal Services, Sharland Gas Ltd, Morgans of Usk steel works, and Mandola Energy Ltd. All money raised will be donated to the Trussell Trust's Newport branch. You can watch the event here and here, and you can donate at https://uk.gofundme.com/f/musicfeeds.