Ex-soldier left to face trauma alone

ALL the young Richard Brown wanted to be when he grew up was a soldier.

His childhood ambition was to join the Army and serve his country - and when he was accepted into the Life Guards Household Cavalry and then became a Lance Corporal in the prestigious Coldstream Guards, he thought it was "fantastic".

But when he went to the Gulf in 1991 in Desert Storm, Mr Brown saw things which left him unable to sleep at night.

There, he saw a group of soldiers killed by a cluster bomb.

He told Army medical officers of his insomnia and was prescribed temazepam. For a while, the drugs worked and he was able to sleep again.

Mr Brown, 36, of Middle Way, Chepstow, also did tours of duty in the Bosnia, Northern Ireland and Afghanistan throughout the 1990s and up to 2004 when he left the Army.

He began to suffer from terrifying flashbacks.

He said any number of things can act as a trigger for a flashback, ranging from the smell of petrol or diesel to noises - and Mr Brown says he has "no control" over his reactions.

One part of the condition causes him to have vivid dreams and nightmares, where he believes he is back in the Army.

The dreams seem real to the point where he can smell and touch his surroundings.

The dreams and flashbacks, which occur on a daily basis, vary from mundane activities such as his time on the drill square to discovering bodies in Bosnia.

He believes the condition stems from a collection of things he witnessed during his service.

Mr Brown said his condition was easier to cope with during his service as there were other people going through a similar experience.

"It's part and parcel of Army life. Everybody looked after everybody else, you've all been there and done it, it's people who can relate to you," he said.

But once in civilian life, the consequences of his symptoms meant he could not hold down a job for long.

He did several jobs, including as a carer for Mencap, a caretaker at St Mary's school in Chepstow and a warehouse operative at Tesco.

But part of his condition means he has problems respecting authority and taking orders, so he is unable to work while he gets help.

Also, the disorder stops him from living his life how he likes - and the fear is that he might deteriorate further.

"It stops you interacting with people in case you hurt them, I haven't assaulted anyone but the will was there," he said.

Mr Brown can also lose his temper very quickly, which he says turns him into "a stranger. A really nasty, horrible person."

This has a big effect on his family.

He said: "There's always an outlet for your anger, unfortunately it was my children. They were terrified of me, that was one of the worst things, you don't want your children to be scared of you, you want them to come running up to you. It destroys your family life."

Mr Brown's wife Elaine, 36, persuadeded him to get help and he was diagnosed with PTSD in January and given anti-depressants.

But he cannot get the psychological therapy he needs because there is no psychologist in South Monmouthshire - the post is currently vacant.

He said he has been told psychologists in the rest of Gwent have no spaces on their lists.

Mr Brown said he thinks treatment with a psychologist will give him the help he needs: "I think I'll be normal, that's all I want, I want to be Richard Brown, I want to be me."

Mrs Brown said: "I think the system is disgusting. Richard has definitely been let down, he's got nowhere to turn. He's served his country for nearly 16 years and this is the thanks he gets."

Mr Brown added: "I'm disappointed with the lack of resources, it's like having an NHS with no doctors."

• A spokesman for Gwent NHS healthcare trust said: "We have been trying to recruit a psychologist to cover the South Monmouthshire area. Interviews are now taking place and we are hopeful that the position will soon be filled."