I’m writing this slowly today in case there are any thick people reading it.

Obviously, it goes without saying that none of the people reading it ARE thick, I’m talking about OTHER people, not us.

I think it must be a law or something that everything has to be dumbed down now so that even the most dim witted cerebrally challenged members of society can grasp the basics of what’s going on. It’s no longer enough for a newsreader to simply relate the facts. They have to read the news as if they’re talking to a three year old. If they’re talking about a train they have to show a picture in case people don’t know what one looks like. A bank robbery? Here is a picture of a bank. See? Can you count the windows? B-A-N-K, spells bank.

I blame the Americans. Whenever you watch a film, say one of the Bourne movies, and they show an aerial shot of Paris, the Eiffel Tower practically fills the entire screen and underneath they caption it, Paris, FRANCE. Obviously the potential for confusion must be enormous. There could be thousands of insular, geographically challenged Americans watching, scratching their heads and wondering, Hey, honey, do they mean Paris, Virginia, d’ya think? I didn’t know they had a tower.

It’s because of thick people that everything you now buy comes with some kind of asinine warning. If people are thick, they’re thick. Give them some wax crayons and a colouring book and stick them in the corner somewhere. They’ll be happy enough. They don’t care what’s on the news, anyway. Most of them don’t even know what day it is.

I just wish they wouldn’t dumb everything down and treat the rest of us like idiots as well. I can see the day coming when everything is captioned and comes complete with written instructions. Door; stop, turn handle, push, walk now. Toilet paper. (We won’t go there.) Or in the case of this blog; read, tear, wipe, flush, gone.