NIGEL JARRETT looks at the possibilities and the perils of taking the plunge

ONE of the problems of dating for the first time after 30 years is lack of confidence stemming from the knowledge that you are newly inexperienced.

Dating as a technique hasn't changed much, unlike the expectations of what will happen after the deed has been done.

Women and men are much bolder these days, thanks to the 1960s and all the liberating years afterwards. Equality means that the rules of engagement have changed.

It is now acceptable for a woman to ask a man for a date, whereas 40 years ago she would have been described as stepping out of character. And men often believe that women will think them pushy if they make the first moves.

Then there's the problem of sex. This used to be something that may or may not have followed a first date, but now it can be barely an issue, with both daters understanding that nothing more is being asked of each other.

Also today, it is no longer good enough to talk about dates involving men going out with women. Same-sex relationships may be struck up by the same dating methods, though the environment in which this happens is usually special. If you are around the age of 50, you need to be comfortable with the fact that you are much older than the normal dating couple. But this doesn't mean trying to look or behave younger or forcing the relationship from the start.

It's also wise, if you have children, to take them into your confidence about your dating intentions. They could be hostile or concerned. Put them at their ease before you set out.

Sarah Tutssel, popular manager of the Reflex bar in Newport city centre, says it's important for a person on a date to feel right. "Make sure you feel nice in yourself no matter what you look like," she said. "Be confident, talk to people of all ages but don't expect anything to happen straight away. "Older people can still dress fashionably and comfortably because carrying it off is the important element."

She says older people on a first date should not be worried about being in a club or bar if the last time they were in one was a while ago. "If you are a bit afraid to meet people, just go out thinking that you are going to enjoy yourself," she said. "After a while you will relax and others will start noticing you."

First-daters should also avoid places populated exclusively by young customers. If you can cope with it, all well and good. But some night spots prefer the name 'late-night venue' and provide a variety of music styles, thereby attracting a wider age range.

Reflex has adopted a 1980s' theme and the decor and music caters for all age groups. When Duran Duran were in the charts and you were in your late twenties or early thirties you would now be 50 or over and therefore at home with Rubic Cubes and TV's The A Team, both icons of 20 years ago.

Daters of a certain age, whether meeting someone through an agency or through having met once before, should also make sure that the venue is mutually acceptable. A restaurant is always a good one because it gives you the chance to chat.

Wherever you are, try to get to know the other person before any decision is made that might lead to a serious relationship. If this is going to happen, it will happen naturally.

Whether you are a man or a woman first-timer, dress and behave as you would for anyone you respect. Don't make too many assumptions about what they'll think of you.

Don't forget - this is something you've done before, however long ago.

Alice Solomon, author of Find the Love of Your Life After 50, said too many times women jumped into bed with a man at the first opportunity because they were hungry for a hug, warmth and intimacy. "Take your time," she said. "It has nothing to do with his respect for you as we used to think in the past. It has to do with your heart taking over, not your head. Get to know the man first."

She also advises daters with children to take them into account. " It's best not to say one word to the kids until you are really serious about a commitment," she said. "Children can often make oodles of trouble when a new man or woman appears."

That first date - Dos and Don'ts

DO:

Be yourself and feel confident.

Dress in a way that makes you look smart and comfortable.

Talk about cheerful things and be interested in the other person.

Share your views, especially about being over 50.

Maintain a feeling of pride in your situation.

DON'T:

Suggest that you are desperate for a partner.

Make excuses for yourself or your appearance.

Moan about your surroundings. If you are unhappy with them, share a joke about it.

Lay down ground rules about the relationship at the start.

Pretend to be what you are not .