Pipe Down - breaking the cycle of addiction

The third issue was published in September and the next one is due to come out before Christmas. This is the first monthly article featuring excerpts from the magazine.

When giving up drugs or any addiction, especially after a sustained period of time, to suddenly let go means that you lose something, almost like a bereavement, and with that said there is a grieving process that you must go through to ultimately get to the point of acceptance and reach closure.

Closure is extremely important after a long relationship. It allows you to find peace within yourself and resolve issues that may have hindered your personal growth down the road.

It also gives you trust that everything in your life will eventually fall into place. Addiction is essentially a long relationship – albeit a toxic one – so it’s just as important to find closure and bring that chapter effectively to a close.

Experts believe there are many different forms of finding closure. One brilliant way to find closure and process the varying emotions you may feel during the grieving process of letting go, is by writing a ‘goodbye letter.’

In the letter, you can fully disclose all your thoughts and feelings – it’s a therapeutic way of releasing your innermost tensions. That’s why at Pipe Down we have a regular feature where people write their Farewell Letters to their drugs of choice.

Anyone can write in to info@pipedownmagazine.co.uk or you could come and do one of our creative writing workshops in the Voice Hub on a Wednesday in Newport between 12 and 2.

I have included some extracts from two of the letters we published in the last issue.

“Dear H,

I'm writing to you to let you know I want you out of my life. Our relationship has been a toxic one & it's time to let you go…

It's been so long now I can't really remember life without you. In the early years of our relationship I thought it was fun, you fitted in around my life. We would get together now & then and I thought I had the upper hand, but you were just biding your time, waiting until you could gain complete control and you could make it so I couldn't live without you…

The language that's used to describe relationships with you often portrays you as the victim. You are "used", "misused" & "abused", but that's not how you made me feel. I felt you used & abused me - I never felt in control.

I've tried to get you out of my life so many times, but without you it always felt like there was a void. I tried to replace you with other things but it didn't stop me wanting you…

I'm tired now, tired of the merry go round of you & me. I want to make space for new relationships in my life, not the toxic one I have had with you all these years but real, genuine, emotional relationships with my children, my family, my real friends.There's not room for both, you have taught me that well over the years, and this time I don't choose you. This time I want it to be different. This time I choose me."

“To the only person I ever thought understood me, to you, cocaine, my ‘Mrs Dependable’, ‘Mrs Reliable’, my mood stabiliser and ultimately my game changer…

The thought of never having any type of relationship with you you ever again makes me feel scared, nervous, anxious and sad…

As I write this I continue to have a dull ache deep in the pit of my stomach simply at the thought of not being able to cope without you. Can I handle what life throws at me? Can I exist and just learn to be happy and just learn to be? I know I can and I know have to, but more importantly I know I want to, but that doesn’t mean that it sits easy with me…

You have been my outlet for anger, my coping mechanism for handling my pain and the only thing that I have been truly intimate with for the past few years. And the sad irony is that you have made me lose intimacy with others in my life…

I have to move on from you now, you are a part of my life that is no longer alive. Like many people that I have met and loved, and that are no longer with us. You don’t deserve to be a part of my life any more. You are also a cancer that has nearly ruined my life. Luckily there is time for you to be cut out, and cut out for good.

I gave you my life and now I am taking it back. Before I felt powerless to do so, but now I have the strength and belief to do it. Under no circumstances can we be together at all. We can never meet again. Never.

I will no longer put you before my daughter. I love her and not you. I treasure her and not you. I love who I am and hate who you made me become. I will be happy. Without you!

You are the end of a chapter. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Without you."

COLUMN:

MY NAME is Araminta and I am the founder of the Pipe Down Foundation charity and editor of Pipe Down the magazine.

In this column I’d like to be able to explore a little bit about what has been go-ing on for Pipe Down during the month, and perhaps filter in a few of my own opinions and musings on addiction and recovery whilst I’m at it.

As this is the first Pipe Down column, I should tell you a bit about about Pipe Down and the Foundation. For years Pipe Down was a Pipe Dream. Even the idea of the magazine was formulated whilst I was in relapse. I was lost and hopeless and I knew I needed to get connected to a recovery community but didn’t know how to in the state I was in.

So I started to think about a magazine that would reach people like me and give them hope that they weren’t alone. The idea behind Pipe Down is to bring recovery into the world and the world into recovery. That means that it has content that is relevant to anyone whose lives have been touched by addiction; be it the addict themselves, their families, or even drugs workers and teachers.

Because the idea came when I was in the depths of despair, I realised how important it was to involve humour. In that sort of state, I needed something light to lift me out of the darkness. I understood that in order to really engage with people that far into the madness, we needed to do something different. Controversy and humour was the key. If we can get people so entrenched in misery to laugh at themselves, what they are doing and their situation, we may have a chance to get them to read on.

There are some really important messages beneath the humour in Pipe Down. I really hope as many people as possible are able to hear them.

The charity started to evolve when we found out that the magazine could no longer be fund-ed by Gwent Substance Misuse Area Planning Board. We were fortunate enough to get funding from them for our first three issues, but when the funding belt got tightened, the magazine obviously had to be let go.

We are now at a stage where we are looking for people to help fund our vision. I am passionate about the ability the magazine has to turn the lives of addicts in early recovery, or active addiction around.

The magazine gave me the focus and determination to believe I could succeed and live a life free of drugs. That’s what I’m doing today.

Please contact info@pipedownmagazine.co.uk if you want to contribute to the magazine with anything creative. We are open to all ideas and will publish them either in print or on our website pipedownmagazine.co.uk