DOES this mean that Tiger Woods won't be coming to Newport, then?

I hope not.

Tiger as the squeaky-clean golfer was a bland an uninteresting sporting equivalent to Mr Obama and something less than his name.

The Woods who definitely does not - and I repeat definitely does not - start affairs with the likes of the pouting Rachel Uchitel and drive into fire hydrants and trees whilst trying to escape the fury of a wife armed with a golf club makes him less interesting than would have been the case had not a totally irresponsible press acting on completely false and malicious information been right.

Fact of the matter is that in the real world as opposed to the polished and seamless existence Mr Woods seems to want to create for himself people do have 'domestics' which might raise eyebrows with the neighbours.

I've been there myself, Tiger.

Once when she thought I'd been chatting to an attractive barmaid for too long Mrs B 'went ghetto' to use an expression Mr Woods definitely never used and 'forgot' to put the Branston Pickle in the sandwiches I took to work the next day.

Fortunately I was able to keep the story off the front page but I live in fear of it being picked up by Grassroots which would mean that I would have to sue a lot of people to compensate for my hurt feelings.