I escaped. Do you know how hard it is to run in a strait-jacket?

Chav joke; two chavs in a speeding car and there's no music playing. Why not? It's a police car, dee-dah-dee-dah Art historians have suggested the Mona Lisa may have been smiling because she was pregnant.

I don't know. Do you agree with that? It could be wind.

I always imagined it looked as if she thought Leonardo had a weird hair cut or funny eyebrows and she was trying not to laugh.

But what do I know, I don't understand art. Damien Hurst, half a cow in formaldehyde, what was that all about?

Pickle a cow and it's a work of art? It's half a cow in a glass case.

I finally cut the grass last week.

You know how it is, you think you'll leave it a couple more days, then it rains or there's something good on telly and before you know it another year has gone.

I found a Postman; don't know how long he'd been in there.

It was my parents wedding anniversary yesterday and I forgot, but there's no point wishing them a belated happy anniversary here because they haven't got a computer, so I won't.