COUCH POTATO: Bungle can't help The Voice from losing its way

Not that I have anything against the bloke.

It’s just that this is The Voice, the show the BBC seems at a complete loss to edit in any way whatsoever.

It merely shows the original recording to the editing suite door and then leaves everything in anyway.

So it was a given when Bungle, aka children’s entertainer Paul Cullinan, arrived (with an Ozzy Osbourne look-a-like channelling Harry Enfield) that we were in for the long haul.

Right down to Will.i.am finding the old Rainbow theme song on his tablet and everyone in the studio singing along to it as the band joined in.

In fact Ricky Wilson and Tom Jones were still recalling kids’ TV shows from days of yore long after Cullinan had gone on his merry way.

We’re four series in and still no nearer to finding a star (Bungle aside, obviously).

Bless them, though, they still believe, with Will telling KFC chicken advert girl Hannah Symons: “You’re going to be at the O2.” To see who in concert, he didn’t say.

But possibly Rita Ora, the new coach.

Clearly nervous, she began by turning to Jones and piping up: “It’s the opening act, innit?”

“Yep.”

And with that classic banter (shaky start) began her tenure in the seat formerly occupied by Kylie, a success last year but who, tellingly, isn’t being missed one iota.

The fact is it almost doesn’t matter who occupies those spinny chairs.

The Voice has inherent problems that go way beyond those small details.

To be fair to the show, the only sob story from Saturday’s series curtain-raiser was a slightly bashful fireman, the charm and wit of Ricky Wilson are its best asset and Ora did settle in.

“I’m starting to understand it now,” she said halfway in.

“Everybody can sing that comes in. Everybody.”

Therein lies its main problem.

Wave upon wave of not bad, perfectly adequate singers makes not for entertaining TV.

The comedy turns are all but non-existent.

You’ll never see a Wagner or a Stevi Ritchie here.

Ora added: “So what can you say to somebody who can obviously sing?”

You give gushing praise, judging by the coaches’ stock comments, even when none of them have pushed their button for an act.

The trouble is that after a while it smacks of disingenuousness, even patronising.

Will.i.am’s bizarre metaphors from left-field about well-done steak, soggy cereal and bulldozers really don’t help.

But the aspect of The Voice on its return that I find more niggling than anything is quite unexpected.

They’re turning the blind auditions, the only decent part of the series, into Blind ruddy Date.

When contestant number one, Letitia George, asked the panel what spice they’d have on their chicken “to see how similar we are”, I swear I heard “our Graham” recapping their answers.

And it got completely out of control by the final act, the slightly bashful fireman, Stevie McCrorie, who Ora told: “You’re really hot. If we were to be together, coaching wise, we would set fire to the stage and you wouldn’t need to put it out.”

Honestly, get a room.

Lorra, lorra nonsense.

Spudulikes

Good Morning Britain’s Golden Globes brown-noser Ross King physically being carried out by a member of the crew dismantling NBCUniversal’s party set after everyone else had gone home.

Half-decent ITV daytime filler Mel and Sue’s animal special with a woman attempting, and failing, to hypnotise a live chicken with a piece of chalk and Ozzie, the tightrope-walking dog, twice coming a cropper.

Kirk and Beth’s 80s wedding on Corrie with the bride reenacting Desperately Seeking Susan’s armpit air-dryer scene, in the Rovers’ loos, and an “Oh, come on, Eileen!” line.

And Judge Rinder telling a woman suing over an unsightly tattoo on her bum: “It’s good that there wasn’t an L on one cheek and an L on the other. You could’ve had ‘LOL’.” ROFL.

Spuduhates

Broadchurch threatening to jump the shark.

Harry Hill’s Stars In Their Eyes falling between TV Burp and Stars In Their Eyes.

Horizon spending three hours concerning itself with cake, What’s The Right Diet For You?, when it should be explaining life, the universe and everything.

Shortlisted shows pathetically begging for National Television Awards votes.

The authorities failing to shut down The Vic in EastEnders’, run illegally without either licensee since New Year.

ITV2’s Blue Go Mad In Ibiza’s wedding planning episode being fake instead of nailed-on brilliance if they did it for real.

Celebrity Big Brother becoming a snoozefest with C5 removing Ken Morley for doing exactly what he was booked for — inciting friction.

And Mel and Sue’s Mel Giedroyc asking: “Is it true, Jennifer (Saunders), you’re writing a very exciting film?” Saunders: “It’s the Ab Fab film.” So that’s a “no”, then.