I AM hopelessly behind the times. I know this because my teenage sons tell me so on an almost daily basis.

At least three times this week, I have had to gather up dwindling reserves of self-esteem, to ask about whom the pair of them are speaking.

Usually, the subject is some Z-list pop star who has had the bestselling song in the UK for 15 minutes online, based on some ridiculous new dance or a raunchy video, or some street slang lyrics that youngsters think it is cool to wander around quoting.

Increasingly, their talk is of some up-and-coming rugby player, or the centre forward with a mid-table La Liga football team, about to be transferred to a mid-table Premier League team for a ridiculous amount of money.

My discreet "who is he/she?" or "I don't know who you mean" is followed by a split second of silence, accompanied by a withering look that translates roughly as "clueless old man."

The reply might then be something along these lines: "You know, Martinez? Jose Martinez? Centre forward with Rayo Vallecano? In Spain? (Tutting now) 23 goals in his last 34 games, that's a strike rate of..." followed by some ratio I was clearly already expected to have at my fingertips.

By the way, as far as I am aware, Jose Martinez does not exist, or if he does, he doesn't play for Rayo Vallecano. But what do I know?

Or it will be: "God, dad, you're so... (sigh) SAD! 'Booty In Da House' by MC Snarky B (featuring Tyrell Pharrell)? You know, the VIDEO? With the glitter-covered pythons and exploding eyeballs? God, where've you BEEN?"

That sort of behind the times.

By and large, I am untroubled by the lack-of-knowledge aspect of this, though occasionally I feel emotionally winded by the reaction to my ignorance.

The latter is often heightened by Mrs Weekender siding with the kids and professing instant knowledge of what they are talking about, at least when it comes to the pop star/celebrity references. She's not that good on the sporty stuff, thankfully.

But now, my behind the times-ness has plumbed new depths. I am no longer simply off the pace with the sort of pop/soap/movie/minor sporting star guff I am actually rather proud to know next to nothing about.

I am now behind the times when it comes to DIY gadgets.

I must make it clear that I am no DIY evangelist. I'll turn my hand to most things, but I have to be in the mood. Put a paintbrush in my hand on the right day, and I'm a demon. On the wrong day, I'd rather head for Tesco to do the weekly shop.

But gadgets? Yes! Electric sanders and screwdrivers, jigsaws, tilecutters - all stored in the chaotic toolbox that is our garage. The latest is a Strimmer, for M'Lady's allotment.

Alas however, I haven't got a jet washer. And that makes me well and truly behind the times. Again.

According to a report by Littlewoods, the jet washer now reigns supreme, having knocked the power drill off the DIY gadget must-have top spot after 40 years.

I have a power drill. But now that is clearly, as my kids might exclaim - accompanied by a knowing sneer - "Sooooo 2012."

The jet washer is the 'in' thing. It can do manly stuff like wash the car and blast dirt and weeds off the drive. It is the 21st Century equivalent of the potato gun, only for adults and er, without the potatoes.

The coolest models come with accessories. Such as a water lance and a special circular patio cleaner.

Littlewoods say: The latter are the biggest sellers, and some even have air-cooled motors.

I say: What is a water lance and a circular patio cleaner?

My kids say: "Awww, Dad, for God's sake...!"

Lions fans want a real contest

A WEEK to go until the first Lions v Australia test, and Warren Gatland's squad has had one meaningful tour match so far, in terms of what rugby fans would call a true contest.

The best way to silence the criticism about under strength pre-test opposition is of course, to win the series - but this is a serious issue that planning for future Lions tours must address.

Whether it be an Aussie tactic to field under strength sides, or whether it is merely the 21st Century reality of touring when the hosts' domestic season is still going on, things must change.

A return to mammoth 20- and 30-match tours will never happen, so it is up to Lions planners to get tough. If guarantees of stronger Super 14 opposition cannot be written into agreements, then how about insisting that Tests against Samoa, Fiji, Tonga, or a Pacific Islands XV comprising the best of those three sides be part of the itinerary?

Something must change, because many of us watching back home no longer care less about the Lions tour until the Tests start - and that is losing a key block of interest in what the Lions are all about.